it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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