im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
