why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
