I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
