how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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