The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
