She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
