My nipple is on Facebook.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
