After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
