it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
