she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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