Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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