New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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