i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
