never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
