Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize