I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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