i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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