I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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