you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We are all done wearing pants today
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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