I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
