It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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