i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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