I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
