I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
