Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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