Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
420 ftw
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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