well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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