So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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