Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
