Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
