i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize