I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
