I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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