Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
