Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
