I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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