you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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