I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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