No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
