I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
