once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
