i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
