not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
