people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
