Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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