Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
