he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize