Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
