Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
