She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
