Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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