i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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