did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
