I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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