When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
