Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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