I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize