I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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