My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
