Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Randomize
