It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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