At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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