I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
