I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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