Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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