Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
