I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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