so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize